if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
