I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
