i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
