someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize