Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
