look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize