I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
