you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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