Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
