I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize