my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
