what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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