It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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