I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
