I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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