ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize