I accidentally had phone sex last night
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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