i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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