We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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