why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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