I checked into jail on foursquare
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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