Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
