I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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