you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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