Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
