do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
