On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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