so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
