thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There's always time for handjobs
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
