If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
