Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
