Already got asked if we're dating
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
