While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
