The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
