Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
