Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
