Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
