I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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