I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
