I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
