Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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