If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
