Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize