cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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