weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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