That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
