I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
