my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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