Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
