wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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