I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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