I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
