butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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