I wanna bring you to show and tell
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
