it was like fucking gandolphs beard
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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