Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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