Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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