Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
