She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
