Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
