I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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