I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
then he tried to convert me to islam
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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