WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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