Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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