shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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