First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
