and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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