My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
