Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The air was thick with penises
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Randomize
