I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
