Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
