her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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