Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
