dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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