Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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