I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
