D3 body, D1 cock
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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