My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
