My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You dont lie about slip and slides
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
