He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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