i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I looked at my own cervix.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
