No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
