they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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